MarySue alert!
by ennil
Summary: Mary-Sues are the most horrible things on this planet, yet no one seems to care about this fact. Except the United Nations Against Mary-Sues (U.N.A.M.S)! This is just a fic that I wrote because ý was bored, again.


Mary-Sue alert!!!!!  
  
At the station  
  
A beautiful blond girl with dazzling blue eyes made her way toward the Hogwarts Express. She was beautiful in the ways no one could have imagined; she looked more like a goddess than a normal Muggle in her Muggle clothes.  
  
She had a darling smile on her magnificent face and had all the boys swooning over her. Two boys were carrying her two big bags (Not those!!!!!) and two girls were complimenting her about her. Everything!  
  
As they made their way in the long corridor of the train, she stopped and turned to the girl on her right.  
  
"Which compartment was it?" she asked sweetly  
  
With her trembling hands the girl took out a piece of parchment and handed it over to her.  
  
"Thank you" She took the parchment and as soon as she did the girl fainted  
  
She took a look at the girl and added "Clean up on aisle two!" She laughed as well as did everyone who was near her.  
  
Suddenly she stopped and looked really serious. And when she did, everyone who was laughing well, stopped. "Let's go!" she yelled at the two boys, and now, one girl.  
  
She stopped before a compartment door and smoothed her hair, put lip-gloss on. She turned to the boys and gave them a seductive smile "How do I look?" The boys fainted. Then she turned to the girl, "Go! Faint or something!" As soon as she said this, the girl, yes, you guessed it, fainted!  
  
She knocked on the door and entered with a big smile on her face (Magnificent face!). There were three occupants in there. A tall redhead with second hand robes, a bushy haired girl with her nose in a big book and a boy with round glasses, green eyes and hair sticking out of place.  
  
They all looked at the magnificent girl who had just walked in. Harry's mouth was hanging open, Ron eyes were bulging out of there stockings and Hermione looked really surprised by the new comer.  
  
"Hi! There weren't anymore place to put my big bags." As she was saying this she moved her big "bags" from left to right, "So, I was wandering if I can stay here?"  
  
Ron opened his mouth to speak but no word came out except "Gah!"  
  
"Thank you! My name is."  
  
They heard a big bang from somewhere and someone over the microphone screamed "Mary-Sue Alert!!!"  
  
The girl looked around panicking and ducked behind her bags (The real ones) and then she turned to the trio, "You have to help! They're gonna." But before she could finish her sentence a hand reached out to her collar and got her to stand up.  
  
"We've been searching this one for years!" said Officer Piper, "we believe she had an evil plan to get your powers and save the world."  
  
"No! I would never do that! I'm just an exchange student from."  
  
"America! Yeah! Yeah! I love hearing their excuses!"  
  
Harry had his hands on his face and was shake his head, "I can't believe I feel for another one!"  
  
"You didn't feel for anything, luv! I love." The Mary-Sue looked at Harry with the most love in her eyes.  
  
"Shut up! And get in there!" She shoved the Mary-sue in a cage and gave the cage to her friend.  
  
"Get her out of here!" Then she turned to Harry, "Down worry, hun! As long as we're here the Mary-sues can do nothing to ya!"  
  
"Thanks," said Hermione while patting Harry's back. Officer Piper existed and Ron closed the door behind her.  
  
"Really, it's okay, mate. I was almost falling for her too!"  
  
"Those evil creatures!" Hermione screeched.  
  
"But I always do this!" Harry yelled. He had enough of Mary-Sues and their charming smiles!  
  
***  
  
At the United Nations Against Mary-Sues (U.N.A.M.S)  
  
"We got a new one down in Australia!" yelled someone at the U.N.A.M.S  
  
Officer Piper entered the busy and crowded U.N.A.M.S. People were crawling some were on their small desk researching the WWW. Some were interrogating Mary-Sues and Marty-Stues.  
  
"Hi, Officer!" came the sound of Prudence the little clerk, "did you find her?"  
  
"Yeah" She wiped the sweat out of her forehead, "It was difficult but we did. She's down in the cage area."  
  
"Oh, right I forgot! It was one of the P.W. (Power wanters)! You must be exhausted!"  
  
"Now that you mention it." She fell on a chair next to her and sighed, it had been a long day indeed.  
  
Somewhere from the end of the room a scream could have been heard "I am innocent I tall you let me go!!!!"  
  
"Shut up ya little tramp!" a man's voice yelled  
  
"Fuck me!!" They heard the woman scream in a high pitched voice.  
  
Piper and Prudence ignored the battle, it happened everyday.  
  
"Not to break your mood but." Prudence became a little agitated  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well. Mr. Malfoy is well. complaining again and he wants to see you in your office."  
  
"That little bastard!" Piper got up to her feet and made her way toward her quiet office upstairs.  
  
She opened the door and Draco Malfoy was there with all of his airheadness sitting in her boss chair!  
  
"What do you want, Draco?" she asked putting her hands on her desk.  
  
"I want this business to be a little cleaner! I created this you know!" He showed the room with his hands.  
  
"You didn't create it! You gave the money for it! And that's it!"  
  
"In any case, without me this place wouldn't exist! I created it and I can destroy it!" He had an evil grin on his face.  
  
"You wouldn't!" Piper was beginning to fume.  
  
"Oh, I would! Unless."  
  
"Unless what?!" Piper said quickly because she knew that he would and could close this place anytime he wanted to.  
  
"Unless, you guys stop coming to my house every ten minutes!" Now he was fuming.  
  
"But your house is invested with Mary-Sues!"  
  
"Yes, and I don't care I want them there!" He was so close that Piper could have smelled his perfume.  
  
She sniffed the air  
  
"What?!" asked Draco frowning.  
  
"What is that Channel?" Piper was giggling now; Channel was a Muggle, woman perfume.  
  
Draco pulled away from her and he was redder than a tomato.  
  
"Never mind that! Now, back to the subject!" He glared at Piper "I like those woman! They are so." He looked like he was searching a word, "perfect. And good for my standards!"  
  
"They are vermin! They destroy." Piper was trying to explain but he looked like he didn't care a bit, "okay, we keep out of your house if you will agree to have only one Mary-Sue at a time in your house!"  
  
Draco looked offended "But then we can't have a t." He straightened his face, "Deal" He stretched his hand and Piper shook it.  
  
"I will see you Miss. I never got your last name, you know" Piper opened her mouth to speak but before she even got the chance to say something Draco kissed her passionately.  
  
When he broke the kiss he had a grin on his face and he left. Piper started spiting everywhere and wiping her mouth when Phoebe entered.  
  
"Hi! Sorry, were you busy?" Phoebe asked.  
  
"No. What's wrong?" She was up for a little action now.  
  
"Well, the Delacour girl is a N.M.S (Non Mary-Sue)" Phoebe answered with a small smile.  
  
"Oh, thanks" Piper was kinda disappointed since, Miss. Delacour was pawing every man she saw.  
  
She went downstairs and Fleur Delacour was there. She looked really bad and not her beautiful self after two days of interrogation. How could've anyone doubted her to be a Mary-Sue?  
  
"Hi, we're really sorry. You may get your clothes and things at the exit," she had said all of this with an apology smile but Fleur just glared at her and made her way towards the exits, to her freedom.  
  
Piper sigh, then headed toward her office.  
  
A perky boy jumped in front of her and blocked her way.  
  
"What's up, Leo?" she said while rubbing her eyes.  
  
"I've got news," He looked around to make sure nobody heard him, "about him."  
  
Piper took her hands off her eyes and nodded at the boy. They made their way toward Piper's office in silence.  
  
When they entered the office, Piper sat on her chair and Leo locked the door, then he turned toward her. "You were right he was abducted by a Mary- Sue!"  
  
Piper smiled it had been months since she was trying to prove that Sirius Black was kidnapped by a Mary-Sue. They were the only creature evil enough to kidnap him. It was also a good thing considering if he wasn't kidnapped that would mean he was. But no more doubts, he was found!  
  
"We found the place that he was taken to I sent a team there to search the place and don't worry! They are not gonna alert the Ministry that they found him! Since the Ministry is against all these things."  
  
"So, you found him!" She was so happy!  
  
"Well." Piper shot him a "what's-wrong" look, "we found the place he was in, he may be there and may be." He didn't need to finish his sentence, in just a second Piper's happiness drained.  
  
"I'll tell you if we found more things" Leo assured her.  
  
Piper nodded and watched him leave, and then she turned to face the windows. The view was the worst view possible. All 257 prisoners lined up, frozen. From redheads to blondes, from men to woman, from small to big. All the M.S. in view.  
  
A U.N.A.M.S. work was never done, and would never be.  
  
End 


End file.
